Posts Tagged ‘Marvel’

They gave me a button!

They gave me a button!

Ok, I have a thing about reviews, I do try to avoid writing any reviews on something if I have too much trouble finding anything positive to say about it, but at the same time, I also try to avoid reviews when I have too much trouble finding anything negative to say about it. I try my best to give every detail of the good and the bad, but this… it fanboyed the shit out of me, and I got nothin’ for the bad—I’m really trying to think of something bad to say, I swear. But, because I promised you a review, here we go anyway.

First, to reference my last review, I saw this in 3D, and it was fucking beautiful from beginning to the very, very end (I included the post-credit scene in that ‘very’—which you better remember to stay for).

It starts off with a prologue set in 1988 with Peter Quill (aka Star-Lord) as a child. He’s lost in his head listening to his Walkman, with a tape labeled “Awesome Mix Vol. 1,” we zoom out and reveal he’s sitting in a hospital when his grandfather comes to get him to see his mother who is at the very final stages of cancer—sorry, but you’ll have to just tough it out, you’re about to find yourself crying during a prologue (I know, right). She dies, and he storms off breaking down in front of the hospital, where a huge ship suddenly tracker-beams him up. End prologue… you can stop crying now.

Flashforward to the present and we have an interstellar Indiana Jones, who gives us a song and dance number that puts ‘Spider-man 3’ to shame. While he’s nabbing a metallic orb, he is interrupted by Korath and his people who apparently also want the orb, but wish to arrest him so their boss, Ronan the Accuser, can question him, which is then interrupted by a BA escape scene which is only mildly topped by a later escape scene.

This results in Star-Lord now having two different people looking for him, working for Ronan, Gamora, daughter of the Mad Titan, Thanos, wants the orb, and Yondu Udonta, revealed to be the crime boss that abducted him and “saved” him, wants him captured so he can kill him, and he wants the orb, but to sell.

We then go to Rocket Racoon and Groot who are scanning people for possible bounties, and come across Star-Lord with his fresh new bounty who’s visiting the Broker to sell the orb to, and then throws him out when he discovers Ronan wanted it.

Gamora, flirts, kicks, grabs, and runs quick enough to make things look clearly too easy, and she and Star-Lord wrestle while Rocket and Groot get in the middle, only to be finally interrupted by Nova Corps (aka Marvel’s Green Lantern Corps).

They’re thrown in prison, and a lot of people want to kill Gamora for helping Ronan destroy anything that wasn’t Kree. We then meet Drax the Destroyer, who has the biggest grudge and is only stopped by Star-Lord convincing him that Gamora would serve as bait for Ronan.

We then dive into the next BA escape.

They’re out, and headed to the Collector (you remember him, he was in the ‘Thor: the Dark World’ post-credit scene where we first hear the phrase “infinity stones”). The collector opens the orb and finally reveals what it is, right before his slave makes it go boom making the heroes of the story realize that it would be safer if handed over to the Nova Corps (well, Star-Lord still wants to sell it, without getting arrested), but before this is a thing, Ronan shows up because Drax is an idiot, and coincidently, Yondu arrives, resulting in the orb being taken by Ronan, everyone else captured and making deals with Yondu.

Deals are struck, and a plan to take on the now infinitely powered Ronan with the help of Nova Corps opens up to a huge battle in every direction. Gamora takes on Nebula, who really didn’t get much foreground story use until now, and ends with Nebula falling into nowhere (safe to assume we’ll see her in another movie). Rocket is outside helping Nova Corps in massive dogfights, that is going more south than not. And then, ending in the most touching speech from Groot that will have you in tears… again… sorry. Tears everywhere, Rocket blasts Ronan and Star-Lord and crew take on the infinite power and kaboom him to death… to… death.

More crying… so much crying… so, so much crying—and yay, most everyone is alive except everyone who’s dead, lets party, and stuff. We give vague explanation that the big badaboom didn’t kill Star-Lord because his daddy is a BA (*cough* Jason of Sparta *cough*), and now his ship is fixed and Nova Corps is cool with them for now.

We’re on the ship, more tears and crying, “Awesome Mix Vol. 2”, and onward to new adventures!

Now sit and count how many people stay before the end credits while you sit and wait like a good little fanboy/girl. Now I won’t reveal the post-credit, but just to squash one of the rumors so you don’t find yourself crying from disappointment later, a scene with Nathan Fillion as Nova does not happen—I’m not saying it won’t still be a thing later, I don’t give up hope that easily, but it’s not a thing for now. So just be cool, clap your hands, and say you believe and someday it will happen. The scene you do get is funny more for people my age though, for the rest of you kids, just tell you parents about it so they can explain it to you.

And, that’s about it… see… that was the most commentary void review I’ve ever done… it just feels empty. If it wasn’t for all the damned crying, I’d barely have anything at all.

So… um… the rating 4 out of 5, it didn’t give me shit to bitch about, resulting in a boring review—that shit ain’t coo’. Plus, so much crying making me so wet for so completely the wrong reasons—I’m not really sure what the right reasons are, but those can’t be them. The best thing we can really say about how awesome this was, is that it hopefully will open up the door a little wider to allow space operas to be a thing again. This world sucks, and we’re very in to looking far upward as our escape right now—give us something to look at. ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Star Wars’ aren’t the only franchises available, Flash Gordon, Buck Rodgers, and even another try at John Carter (with a less idiotic marketing agency maybe), and so much more are still there, let’s let the awesomeness of ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ be that thing that smacks Hollywood awake and gives us what we want (possibly in TV too).

The Mark III armor as featured in the 2008 fil...

The Mark III armor as featured in the 2008 film Iron Man. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t know how much detail I can really put into this review compared to any of the others I’ve done because there was seriously so much stuff happening in this movie I probably missed half of it from blinking. But I’ll do my best to cover what I can.

We start off the movie in a flashback on New Years Eve 1999, where Stark is still his old self. Avoiding spoiler, we’ll simply say that pretty much everything that’s happening is crucial to the plot… except for maybe the Y2K joke.

Bringing it back to the now, Stark is working on another design for an Iron Man armor that allows him to will the armor to him with implants that he just injected into himself (not Extremis, but for those that know that arc, you should really keep that in mind). All the while we are introduced by news that there is a terrorist going around blowing stuff up known as the Mandarin, which then leads us to the president introducing the new War Machine model now known as the Iron Patriot (not Norman Osborn, it’s still Rhodey, just with a name that they deemed better for PR).

Meanwhile, back at Stark Industries, Pepper and Happy are trying to get things running as usual when Pepper gets an unexpected visit from the guy in the flashback, Aldrich Killian, which shows her a project that he’s working on call… Extremis (told you to keep it in mind—over all, this is somewhat of an odd remix of the Extremis arc). After Killian shows off his stuff, Happy finds him suspicious and follows him.

We move back to Pepper returning to the Stark house and being introduced to another new armor that Stark is “breaking in,” she assumes to be about Mk15, but is actually Mk42, which all becomes a reveal that Tony is dealing with PTSD from events that occurred back in New York in ‘the Avengers” (this is really about the only detail that seems to be even hinted about the other movies—if there was anything else, I missed it—oh, and sorry, there was only the most vague slight hint to Stark having a drinking problem… that was as close as Disney would allow it).

Back to Happy, things happen, boom. Mandarin takes credit, Stark threatens a terrorist. And now we bring the other person from the flashback in, and before we even know why she’s there, said threatened terrorist blows shit up, which gives Pepper her first moment to be a bit badass.

After huge sequence of shit blowing up, Stark is assumed dead, and we end up in Tennessee with a busted up armor. This leads us to the investigation of a boom that happened here similar to Happy’s boom, and as soon as you think shit is slowing down, shit starts blowing up again. Lot’s of blowing shit up going on in this movie—honestly, through this whole thing, I kept trying to figure out at what point Robert Downey, Jr might have gotten injured that caused a slight delay in production, and well, I stopped trying pretty early in… I couldn’t tell where he was using stunt doubles verses doing his own stunts, and there was so much going on that could have caused some injuries to happen.

Meanwhile, Iron Patriot is hunting down the Mandarin in all the wrong places and stumbles upon a trap that leads to his capture.

Back to Stark, the armor is on a slow charge and he has to MacGyver some stuff while he waits and starts to infiltrate the Mandarin’s hideout. Zapping, booming, and zapping happen, and Mandarin, stuff happens, Stark is captured.

Back to Rhodey still in the Iron Patriot, they eventually pry him out, Rhodey proves he’s pretty badass without the armor (best part about this movie is that all the characters that didn’t really get a chance to be badass in the other two, really get their chance here).

Then chase and rescuing of everyone, and final battle comes with the entire hall of armor out at once. The End (as close as I want to get to it without giving away every twist).

Stay ‘til end of credits (those that don’t already know this shouldn’t even be watching Marvel movies anymore). Final message is that “Tony Stark will be back”… I assume this is in response to the rumors that have been going around that Robert Downey, Jr was done with Iron Man, and no one knew if he was at least going to do the next Avengers movie or not… so, I guess that was telling us we have at least that… I think… or it’s saying they’re recast Tony Stark, but at least Stark is still a thing… I don’t know.

I heard rumors that there were supposed to be references to future Marvel movies in this one—references to Nova, and Ant-man—if these references ever made an appearance they were among the things that happened when I blinked, and I missed them.

Ok… rating, 4 out of 5, and I probably would have given it a straight 5 if it wasn’t for the internet filling me with so much stuff about the movie ahead of time, such as Disney axing Stark’s drinking problem (the writers wanted to mix in ‘Demon in a Bottle,’ but Disney drew the line on darkness there), I probably would have let it go easier if I never knew about it (internet ruins everything).