Well, it’s been awhile, but I assure you I’m still alive. The day-job world has been cutting into all other worlds a bit more than usual for almost the half the year, but I think I finally got that issue back to normal-ish. What that means for more blogging, I don’t all together know, but what I do know about it is the part that I’m here to tell you about. Remember the YouTube thing that I made mention of that I was considering doing…? Yep, I’ve started, and only slightly more sluggishly and randomly than this thing is. But it’s another creative outlet, and I plan to see where it can go… with presently no clue where it is going.
Tags: April O'Neil, Foot Clan, Kevin Eastman, Megan Fox, Michael Bay, Minae Noji, movies, Ninja Turtles, Reviews, Shredder, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the Turtles, Whoopi Goldberg, Will Arnett
Part of me cringed that I subjected myself to two Michael Bay movies in one month, but surprisingly enough, this one wasn’t as bad as the Transformer franchise—don’t get me wrong, it was still Michael Bay doing Michael Bay, but it was the higher end of the low expectations. After god knows how many script rewrites resulting from leaked scripts exploding the internet in mass rage, mostly about the idea that the turtles weren’t going to be turtles, but extra-dimensional aliens that simply looked like turtles, because according to Michael Bay, they were originally aliens, after which Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird set his shit straight and we were given the mutant turtles we were meant to have. Now, the story, if you have not been watching the new ‘Ninja Turtles’ cartoon on Nick, you may be slightly thrown by the story as it is (I’ve only seen it enough to recognize it as the source), since it will slightly conflict with your memories of the cartoon and/or comics (kinda like how the ‘90s movie conflicted with people that never read the comic and only knew the cartoon), but it’s not that much of massive change (especially when you keep telling yourself what he originally planned, you’ll be ok with it).
We start off with a cel-shaded prologue through the start credits that gives a brief profile of the turtles being trained to protect the city while they hide beneath it (not to get into a thing of constantly review the 3D quality of movies, but this was actually impressive to see—well enough that I almost started wishing I had money to upgrade my PC enough to see what my cel-shaded games look like in 3D—still not saying he did the 3D as well as it could have been, but it was at least a lot better than ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’), we also get very brief notes that the Foot Clan lead by the Shredder is terrorizing New York. Credits/prologue ends, and we introduce Megan Fox’s ass in the role of TV news reporter April O’Neal who is interviewing a guy at a shipping yard about a recent robbery of chemicals which are hyped up to “you can’t even get this stuff on the black market” level. We then introduce Will Arnett as our comic-relief who begins the usual sexually objectifying of Megan Fox as is normally expected of any female in a Michael Bay movie (but it’s Megan Fox, and that’s pretty much her leading skill in acting), which then moves the scene over to reveal that April is only a fluff-piece reporter, who is only hoping to break in as an investigative reporter (she apparently doesn’t know why even Clark Kent quit the Daily Planet to become a blog writer—the internet is the new news source).
So nothing happens and her day ends with a bike ride home conveniently going by the shipping yard that happens to be getting robbed by the Foot, but then, someone stops them, and her camera-phone does badly with low light (worst product-placement ever), so all she gets is the vigilante’s calling-card of graffiti Asian symbols. She goes back to the office with this story and Whoopi Goldberg laughs at her absurd existence, and then so does Will Arnett while continuing to humorously attempt to get in her pants while she doesn’t notice.
We cut to a dude tide-up in ropes, who then gets attacked by dudes, that he beats ups because his choreography was designed to hit people and theirs wasn’t (it was actually a bit worse than a Star Wars light-saber fight where all the blows are nowhere near anything). He then breaks the ropes, and tells cheek-bones (played by Minae Noji) that her dudes suck, and she blames their sucking on the vigilante sucking less than them and it just wasn’t fair. So Shredder (played by Tohoru Masamune) who can understand English fluently but chooses to only speak Japanese ‘cause he just that kind of dick and wants to make you read stuff, tells cheek-bones to bait the vigilante by attacking innocents (like Michael Bay attacking your childhood innocents by making your favorite cartoons into his movies).
Conveniently, Megan Fox’s ass stumbles upon the Foot attacking a subway station, taking hostages (that she becomes a member of), and setting bombs (in a subway station that they’re in—why wouldn’t that be a good plan). Just in time to stop Megan Fox’s ass from getting shot by cheek-bones, a train comes, lights go out and everyone is beaten up. Lights come back and the vigilantes are only glimpsed climbing up a construction shoot that goes all the way from the subway station to the top of a multi-story building (I have no idea if that’s normal to have, but ok). Megan Fox’s ass follows them and starts taking pictures where Michael Bay comic-relief starts to spew until she passes out (which is understandable, Michael Bay comic-relief is a lot to try to take in).
She then realizes that the turtles are her pets from when she used to hang out with her dad in his lab that blew-up (this was apparently all a thing—welcome to info dumping—it doesn’t end here). After getting fired by Whoopi Goldberg for talking crazy she then goes to see her dad’s ex-lab partner who’s apparently rich-balls. This then rolls into an info dump that pretty much just spews out the rest of the plot so much you could just stop watching now ‘cause you already know everything that’s going to happen for the rest of the movie. So when the next scene is of him chillin’ with Shredder, despite what the music suggests, you’re not really surprised (it was pretty much a “no shit” moment).
Megan Fox’s ass then gets a message to meet the Turtles where they take her to meet Splinter (played by Tony Shalhoub for some reason—it’s really the most disjointing voice that just doesn’t fit at all). We then go into an info-dump that gives more detail of the turtles’ origins making the prologue a bit pointless (I really don’t think Michael Bay really understands the point to prologues to begin with). This then closes with Megan Fox’s ass conveniently realizing that her cell is being track at just the moment the Foot finds them. An absurd fight between Splinter and Shredder happens that makes the Yoda fight in Episode 3 look normal. Shredder expertly wields the armor that was just made for him like a scene ago, which seems to allow his bones to bend oddly (or it’s just a result of CGI fighting where they seem to think that moving fast makes you look like you’re made of rubber—I had this same issue with ‘Man of Steel’). Everybody almost dies, but not so much that we can’t go off for a couple days continue the rest of the story and come back and save you later when most people stopped even wondering if you were still alive or not.
All but Raph is taken, so he and April (because she knows where the lab partner’s rich-balls house is) go save the rest of the turtles then go all the way back to the city from where ever they were and stop the Shredder and lab-partner from poisoning then curing everybody. A large roof-top fight between the Turtles and the Shredder begins while the countdown for poison spewing starts (because no one can just poison spew without a countdown, there are traditions and protocols that must be followed). After slightly beating the Shredder with the flash-back spew reference they stop the count down. Shredder gets back up and just knocks down the spewer instead (‘cause screw those countdown protocols), which Megan Fox’s ass then threatens to drop and destroy the cure if he doesn’t stop (because that’s good threat that completely works in her favor and wouldn’t just get the whole city killed). Shredder falls to his doom, and the Turtles and Megan Fox’s ass disappear into the sewers. Splinter who we forgot was dieing is ok now, and we close with comic-relief, and no post-credit scene.
So… on the Michael Bay Grading Scale: 5 out of 5, there was just so much Megan Fox ass in 3D that you almost forget this is supposed to be a movie intended for kids. On the Everyone Else Grading Scale: 3 out of 5, which is pretty good in his case, the jokes weren’t as bad, the story wasn’t as bad, but it was still really bad. At best, I can say that it was way better than I thought it was going to be and would at least be a fun movie to take your kids to without too much regret, and isn’t anywhere near as painful to watch as any of the Transformer movies (at least the odd choice of voice actors are synced correctly, whereas Transformers usually just makes me think they’re all ventriloquists, or Popeye).
- Resurrected Heroes in a Half Shell (ottawaedge.wordpress.com)
- Nerdlocker Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (nerdlocker.com)
- ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Digs On Every Nostalgia Point You Can Think Of (dayandadream.com)
- TMNT Toy Buying Guide (walmart.com)
- Michael Bay Is The Antichrist: A Review of ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ (thesuperficial.com)
- Cowabungled! ‘Ninja Turtles’ return in generic reptilian reboot (dailyherald.com)
- Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Actually Does April and the Turtles Justice (womenwriteaboutcomics.com)
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Reviews: Worth Shelling Out For? (thehollywoodgossip.com)
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles more of a cowabungle: Review (thestar.com)
- ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ review: don’t think (theverge.com)
Tags: Drax the Destroyer, Flash Gordon, Gamora, Groot, Guardians of the Galaxy, Marvel, Nathan Fillion, Nova, Nova Corps, Reviews, Rocket Raccoon, Ronan, Ronan the Accuser, Star-Lord, Yondu Udonta
Ok, I have a thing about reviews, I do try to avoid writing any reviews on something if I have too much trouble finding anything positive to say about it, but at the same time, I also try to avoid reviews when I have too much trouble finding anything negative to say about it. I try my best to give every detail of the good and the bad, but this… it fanboyed the shit out of me, and I got nothin’ for the bad—I’m really trying to think of something bad to say, I swear. But, because I promised you a review, here we go anyway.
First, to reference my last review, I saw this in 3D, and it was fucking beautiful from beginning to the very, very end (I included the post-credit scene in that ‘very’—which you better remember to stay for).
It starts off with a prologue set in 1988 with Peter Quill (aka Star-Lord) as a child. He’s lost in his head listening to his Walkman, with a tape labeled “Awesome Mix Vol. 1,” we zoom out and reveal he’s sitting in a hospital when his grandfather comes to get him to see his mother who is at the very final stages of cancer—sorry, but you’ll have to just tough it out, you’re about to find yourself crying during a prologue (I know, right). She dies, and he storms off breaking down in front of the hospital, where a huge ship suddenly tracker-beams him up. End prologue… you can stop crying now.
Flashforward to the present and we have an interstellar Indiana Jones, who gives us a song and dance number that puts ‘Spider-man 3’ to shame. While he’s nabbing a metallic orb, he is interrupted by Korath and his people who apparently also want the orb, but wish to arrest him so their boss, Ronan the Accuser, can question him, which is then interrupted by a BA escape scene which is only mildly topped by a later escape scene.
This results in Star-Lord now having two different people looking for him, working for Ronan, Gamora, daughter of the Mad Titan, Thanos, wants the orb, and Yondu Udonta, revealed to be the crime boss that abducted him and “saved” him, wants him captured so he can kill him, and he wants the orb, but to sell.
We then go to Rocket Racoon and Groot who are scanning people for possible bounties, and come across Star-Lord with his fresh new bounty who’s visiting the Broker to sell the orb to, and then throws him out when he discovers Ronan wanted it.
Gamora, flirts, kicks, grabs, and runs quick enough to make things look clearly too easy, and she and Star-Lord wrestle while Rocket and Groot get in the middle, only to be finally interrupted by Nova Corps (aka Marvel’s Green Lantern Corps).
They’re thrown in prison, and a lot of people want to kill Gamora for helping Ronan destroy anything that wasn’t Kree. We then meet Drax the Destroyer, who has the biggest grudge and is only stopped by Star-Lord convincing him that Gamora would serve as bait for Ronan.
We then dive into the next BA escape.
They’re out, and headed to the Collector (you remember him, he was in the ‘Thor: the Dark World’ post-credit scene where we first hear the phrase “infinity stones”). The collector opens the orb and finally reveals what it is, right before his slave makes it go boom making the heroes of the story realize that it would be safer if handed over to the Nova Corps (well, Star-Lord still wants to sell it, without getting arrested), but before this is a thing, Ronan shows up because Drax is an idiot, and coincidently, Yondu arrives, resulting in the orb being taken by Ronan, everyone else captured and making deals with Yondu.
Deals are struck, and a plan to take on the now infinitely powered Ronan with the help of Nova Corps opens up to a huge battle in every direction. Gamora takes on Nebula, who really didn’t get much foreground story use until now, and ends with Nebula falling into nowhere (safe to assume we’ll see her in another movie). Rocket is outside helping Nova Corps in massive dogfights, that is going more south than not. And then, ending in the most touching speech from Groot that will have you in tears… again… sorry. Tears everywhere, Rocket blasts Ronan and Star-Lord and crew take on the infinite power and kaboom him to death… to… death.
More crying… so much crying… so, so much crying—and yay, most everyone is alive except everyone who’s dead, lets party, and stuff. We give vague explanation that the big badaboom didn’t kill Star-Lord because his daddy is a BA (*cough* Jason of Sparta *cough*), and now his ship is fixed and Nova Corps is cool with them for now.
We’re on the ship, more tears and crying, “Awesome Mix Vol. 2”, and onward to new adventures!
Now sit and count how many people stay before the end credits while you sit and wait like a good little fanboy/girl. Now I won’t reveal the post-credit, but just to squash one of the rumors so you don’t find yourself crying from disappointment later, a scene with Nathan Fillion as Nova does not happen—I’m not saying it won’t still be a thing later, I don’t give up hope that easily, but it’s not a thing for now. So just be cool, clap your hands, and say you believe and someday it will happen. The scene you do get is funny more for people my age though, for the rest of you kids, just tell you parents about it so they can explain it to you.
And, that’s about it… see… that was the most commentary void review I’ve ever done… it just feels empty. If it wasn’t for all the damned crying, I’d barely have anything at all.
So… um… the rating 4 out of 5, it didn’t give me shit to bitch about, resulting in a boring review—that shit ain’t coo’. Plus, so much crying making me so wet for so completely the wrong reasons—I’m not really sure what the right reasons are, but those can’t be them. The best thing we can really say about how awesome this was, is that it hopefully will open up the door a little wider to allow space operas to be a thing again. This world sucks, and we’re very in to looking far upward as our escape right now—give us something to look at. ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Star Wars’ aren’t the only franchises available, Flash Gordon, Buck Rodgers, and even another try at John Carter (with a less idiotic marketing agency maybe), and so much more are still there, let’s let the awesomeness of ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ be that thing that smacks Hollywood awake and gives us what we want (possibly in TV too).
- Guardians of the Galaxy Review: A Delightful Explosion Of Wanton Silliness (ibtimes.co.uk)
- Guardians of the Galaxy (cchaase.wordpress.com)
- Guardians of the Galaxy Review – SPOILERS (geeksleeprinserepeat.wordpress.com)
- ‘Guardians’ a galaxy of summer fun (triblive.com)
- Esquire:This New Trailer for ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ Looks Incredibly Badass (esquire.com)
- Review: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) (monsterzeronj.wordpress.com)
- Stephen’s Guardians Of The Galaxy Review (WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD!) (stephenprods.wordpress.com)
- Guardians of the Galaxy (giselaroxs2.wordpress.com)
- Review of Guardians of the Galaxy from the #GuardiansOfTheGalaxyEvent (benspark.com)
- Guardians of the Galaxy Is a Wild, Hilarious Gem (wired.com)
Tags: blog, blogging, Flash fiction, freelance, OnDemand, Online Writing, Reviews, writer, Writers Resources, writing
So… here we are, all anniversaried and stuff, and nothing to contribute. Last year I gave you a dose of ‘Natural Selection,’ and, while I do still plan to do something else with that eventually, I have yet to get around to anything. I could still do a Flash before the day’s out, but I have nothing motivating one right now (but I’ll see about looking for something). Best I can give you is the strong possibility that I will be able to give you a review for ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ tomorrow, since I plan to see that. I Amazon Instanted ‘Transcendence’ last night, but I don’t know if it was really worth reviewing, but I don’t know.
See, this is one of the key reasons I put this blog on hold for so long. Trying to keep working on top of keeping this running is a pain, simply because I have to keep trying to come up with things to talk about, and that’s difficult to do for even just the anniversary entry. I have a few categories, but coming up with anything to fill those categories with takes time too. I have to take time to develop a recipe, well enough to be able to explain it in as plain detail as possible (and I don’t even get time to cook anywhere near as much as I would like, let alone develop a new recipe), or I have to watch TV within a certain timeframe to review it (and you’re lucky if I’m not just catching up on a series about 3 or more eps at a time with OnDemand), and then movies, they just cost money on top of time. And of course stories are a whole issue of their own ‘cause not only do I have to take time to write them, I have to decide on who gets them (you or a publisher), which is why you’re always more likely to get flash-stories, there’s only so many places to submit those—although ‘Natural Selection’ is for the most part for you people, as I mentioned in a previous entry, I wrote something in that universe a bit ago, but held it back for submission possibilities, so, that’s no completely for you either, and money has to come first (that’s just how the game gets played).
And, so, that’s your sad anniversary entry. I’ll try to put up a Flash in a little bit, but that’s the best I can do for you for now. Here’s hoping for a review tomorrow.
Tags: 2nd anniversary, anniversary, Facebook, Money, St. Jude Warriors, Twitter, URL, Warrior Dash, WordPress, YouTube
Thursday is the 2nd anniversary of this blog, and even though I have completely blown off this thing for most of the year, I do plan to do something—haven’t entirely decided what yet, though a Flash might be among the things. But, aside from that, I’m trying to fix my lack of being here as well. I have been gone because of work and writing (which is also work—it just hasn’t paid a bill yet), but next week, my shift changes, and my free time should be different which is looking better for my writing time for both here and, more importantly, the novels/short-stories.
But, due to the recent shutting down of Yahoo’s freelance program (which I never got the chance to make use of), I have had to put thought into where else to make money. I have considered YouTube, but, frankly, I’m a writer, not a speaker. Kudos to the people that can spew verbal diarrhea and get enough attention to quit their jobs, but that’s just not what I do (still considering it a little, but it’s lower on my list of possible). So then we look at this blog—I have been trying to keep this more of a thing I do for fun and never money, but then I started figuring, you readers are getting ads either way, the only difference is between who’s getting paid for those ads, nothing personal to WordPress, but that’s my money, damn’it. So in reality, on your end, the worst that would really happen is the ads are a little closer to stuff that is relevant (although I can’t see the ads as is, so I don’t really know how random they are), all the while you are feeding my bank account while subliminal advertising for things you now believe you want is embedded in your mind.
On that, I need to redesign the blog with more structure. Something I’ve been meaning to do anyway, but that’s just a lot of work that is a pain in the ass (especially with code restrictions right now), but for the sake of making this look more appealing, I should give this better structure. Actually put the different categories of interest in their own place and such.
So, yeah, this is just me giving you a heads up about stuff about to happen, and I’m not capable of giving timeframe, but at some point the URL will probably change (because I would have bought the space), and the layout will hopefully change.
If you’re a regular, you may have noticed the St. Jude link is gone now. The Michigan Warrior Dash came and went, and you gave me nothing but $20 (all from people I know), so no pictures for you (unless you happen to follow me on Twitter and/or FB). I will be doing the Dash again next year though, I’ll update you when I can, and I hope you will give a bit more.
You have a couple days, if you read the blog, tell me what you would like me to do for the anniversary. Flash, reviews, you tell me—if you don’t tell me, then I’m just going to ramble for a couple pages worth with lots of swears—that’s how I get the ratings motha’fuckas!
Tags: Bernie Mac, Detroit, Detroit People Mover, Mark Wahlberg, Michael Bay, Nicola Peltz, Optimus, review, Texas, Transformers, Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Watched ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ yesterday in 3D. Now, most movies I’ve seen in theater lately, I’ve seen in 3D (obviously excluding the cheap shows), but I mention the detail of this one being in 3D because it was the first time I was significantly disappointed. For pretty much the whole movie, I could have been watching it in 2D and it wouldn’t have made much difference. I’m not even just talking about the lack of things flying off the screen (which this did lack), but it’s also the lack of significant depth. In a lot of movies, my stance on 2D vs 3D and how 3D is significant, is that the added depth puts you a bit more in the story, but with this, I still just felt completely disconnected from beginning to end. I saw ‘How to Train Your Dragon 2’ in 3D (no, I didn’t do a review, and this is probably the closest you’re gonna get), and that was damn near the most amazing thing I’ve seen so far, and a completely opposite from ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction,’ and I’m glad that was what I used to be my little girl’s first 3D movie experience.
This was a Michael Bay movie so naturally it’s difficult to talk about it without it being mostly about the visual effects, while barely mentioning the story because, essentially, that statement is the entire basic concept of a Michael Bay movie: visual effects scenes with a barely substantial story speckled through it. So, let’s start with that speckled story.
This, in case you don’t know, is the fourth movie in the Michael Bay Transformer movies, we start with a vague and mostly pointless prologue of the Earth surrounded by ships, and invading a Earth filled with dinosaurs, the after about a minute of that, we cut to a scene in the arctic where they uncover dinosaurs covered in metal (try real hard to remember this because by the time anything about his is even vaguely hinted at again in the movie, you will probably have already forgotten about it—and if that happens, also don’t worry ‘cause nothing in a Michael Bay story is ever that important). Prologue ends, and first act begins, it starts off a few years after the invasion of Chicago that took place in the last movie, ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon.’ There are signs everywhere telling people to report any suspected alien activity. Mark Wahlberg is a junk collector with his friend TJ Miller (from the show ‘Silicon Valley’ on HBO and a crap load of comic-relief roles), he goes into an abandoned theater in “Texas” (which I have been in before, and I’ve never been to Texas—weird), after rummaging through discarded theater stuff, they find a huge semi (I’m not sure how that was supposed to be considered normal), when the door was opened, spent ammo shells of many sizes spill out (and this is only vaguely glanced at, “Well that’s weird, eh, whatever”). So he buys the truck that the theater owner didn’t remember was there (vague nod at the first movie when Shia finds Bee at Bernie Mac’s car lot—that’s right, I’m making you go watch that bullshit now).
We then cut to some black op stuff where they’re hunting a Transformer on the Boblo Boat, which is revealed to be an Autobot because the black ops are on mission to destroy all Transformers for some reason (except the one helping them—he’s cool, apparently).
Back to “Texas” where we sort of meet Wahlberg’s daughter Nicola Peltz (from ‘Last Air Bender’ and movies/TV where her main talent is just being hot—do I need to remind you this is a Michael Bay movie?), she just got denied a scholarship and then here comes her father with a truck he just spent money on, “but don’t worry, it was the comic-relief’s money, but we’re still broke, so it doesn’t really matter.” We reveal that he’s actually not a junk collector, but a really crappy inventor, who understand electronics well enough to reverse engineer anything, but can’t seem to find any practical use for this to make money with (until the very obvious ending).
Next day, simply because, he already figured out the truck is a Transformer between scene-wipes because a car batter gives enough charge to activate the distress call. Hot daughter storms in the house upset that absurd-line-delivery dad wouldn’t let her call the government and get enough money to pay their bills and her school because he’d rather make money instead (Michael Bay plots—they’re fun).
And from this point shit just starts happening and the vague chance at story just got thrown out. Optimus is fixed, and black ops storm in, and shit hits fan, and hot daughter’s pedophile boyfriend who caries laminated copies of pedophile protection laws on his person at all times saves the day, which leads us into ending first act with flash-fossilizing the comic-relief (which left me with “Who the fuck kills the comic-relief in the first act?” to “Thank god, Michael Bay has no idea how to balance comic-relief at all”—I am still haunted by the garden trampling gag that just wouldn’t fucking end).
For most of second act it’s pretty much just people running around and stuff blowing up, with a barely crow-barred in, “Hey we made our own Transformers from that metal that you forgot about, and named one ‘Galvatron’ to give nerds a cheap boner.” We also reveal that the Transformer that the black ops are totally cool with is actually working for the “Creators” (which is never mentioned beyond this, strongly hinting at seeding a sequel—but I predict it’s a reference to the Quintessons—yes, I’m one of the nerds that got a cheap boner, leave me alone!).
Third act, we’re in “China” that had a lot of Detroit building scape for some reason (seriously, the Detroit People Mover doesn’t go to China, it barely even goes to Detroit, it’s entire purpose is to just get you from one parking structure to another to make parking easier, it’s basically just a giant middle-finger that circles downtown mocking everyone that wishes public transportation was a thing). We rescued the dinobots from the bounty hunter’s ship, and stuff blows up, and movie ends with Optimus launching into space to find out what the “Creators” are (see, sequel seed—most of this movie was just a sequel seed, not as blatant as the second movie where we just spent two hours mocking ‘Search for Spock,” but still, it was just set-up for another movie).
And that’s about it, other than the constant attempts of Michael Bay trying to use blowing stuff up as a plot device no matter how many times people try to tell him, “that’s not a plot device, that’s just stuff blowing up—it could have not blown up and it would have been the same difference to the story—except less boomier.”
I’m not sure how I should rate this, ‘cause somehow rating Michael Bay the same way I would rate other people just doesn’t seem fair—it’s like rating a special needs kid with the same grading scale of a genius. It’s like the Einstein quote, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” But, I still expect a guy that spends and makes a crapload of money to be better than this, so, I’m going with two grade scales: On the Michael Bay Scale—4 out of 5, there were at least a couple things in there that could have blown up that completely didn’t blow up at all; on the Everybody Else Scale—2 out 5, not a single detail of the plot came together, it was all just set-up for the next movie, and seriously, look up the definition of “plot device,” the only thing it had going for it is when it actually mocked itself (which was both funny and sad), and when it crow-barred in nerd titillation (which was also a little sad).
- Transformers: Age Of Extinction – You Don’t Want To Make Marky Mark Mad – Review (dc50tv.com)
- Leave Michael Bay Alone, Transformers Is Awesome (gizmodo.com.au)
- “Transformers: Age of Extinction”: Public Enemy #1? (midlifecrisiscrossover.com)
- Why I’m Boycotting Michael Bay (lavendervroman.wordpress.com)
- ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ review: Sequel implodes in incoherent spectacle (newsday.com)
- Movie Review – Transformers: Age Of Extinction (fernbyfilms.com)
- Nordling Reviews TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION! (aintitcool.com)
- ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ Review: Hey, It Could’ve Been Worse (news.moviefone.ca)
- Transformers: Age Of Extinction (thedissolve.com)
- Movie Review: Transformers: Age Of Extinction runs on fumes (avclub.com)
Tags: blog, blogging, Dark Crystal, editing, Facebook, Natural selection, Online Writing, publishers, publishing, story, western, writer, Writers Resources, writing
Hey, kids, how you doin’? I’m pretty much just posting to let you all know that I’m still alive. I’ve been stuck in novel mode while working around hell at the day job, so I haven’t really been able to even think about anything to post here, let alone actually post (I was actually meaning to post this bit a few weeks ago).
So, update on things. ‘Stiym’ is making progress, third act should be underway and things should be coming to a close (hopefully). I should be, with luck, requesting betas and proofers soon.
Results for Dark Crystal’s short-list came, and they said I was too awesome for them and they just weren’t worthy of me (their words, I swear). So, Dark Crystal is a no-go, and I’m now left with time to work on already running projects (never stop moving forward).
Last week while in a really shitty mood, I started working on a short set in ‘Natural Selection’ that takes place where everything left off (think of that with said shitty mood, and you get the basic idea of the story)—it will probably undergo a rewrite at some point later, but as it is, I my plans for it will depend on how it comes out—meaning, if I can get it to stand on its own, I might try throwing it at mags before throwing it here (I love you all, but I love your money more).
And… that’s about the gist of things. I’m lost in work with only hopes of finding my way out and getting back to keeping this thing moving.
- THE DARK CRYSTAL Inspired Wedding Cake (geektyrant.com)
- Director’s cut of The Dark Crystal (kottke.org)
- Fashion plus geek style: The Dark Crystal top (geeknative.com)
- Page 2: Star Wars, Alien, Gravity, True Detective, Muppets, Dredd, Dark Crystal (slashfilm.com)